Options For Parents With an Out-of Control Teen: Why is He or She Out of Control?

Parents with an out-of-control teen do have viable options as he or she is usually out-of-control for a reason. Understanding the reason for his or her radical or unusual behavior is often the key to solving the problem.

Effective communication with an out-of-control teen is important. Caution may necessary because communication can make or break the parent-teen relationship temporarily or permanently.

The article “Coping with troubled teenagers” makes a powerful statement.

“Teens are often prone to rebellious behavior because they want to establish ownership over their own lives.”

Rebellion can be evident in many ways, including varying degrees of out-of-control behavior. Understanding or explaining what is happening with a teen may be difficult for some parents.

Consider some of the following reasons for out-of-control behavior

Is this normal teenage behavior for him or her?

Note that it is normal for a teenager to assert his or her independence, like a bird trying to fly out of its nest. This does not happen at the same time with each teen.

Part of the problem is that the parents may not see the teen as being ready to leave home. Parents love their teens and feel a sense of obligation to protect and shelter them, as long as possible. At the same time, the out-of-control teen behavior may be a legitimate mode of expression by a teen trying to gain his or her independence. There may be conflict because parents do not want to go through the empty nest syndrome.

What is really happening in the life of the out-of-control teen?

Parents do not always know or understand what is going on daily, in the lives of their teenagers. Are there unreasonable expectations or demands placed on him or her during a time of heavy stress, like exam time? Are there recent family events that may have triggered an adverse, emotional response in the out-of-control teen, like the threat of a pending marital breakup? Has the teenager recently suffered a break-up with another teen? Are there gender related issues? Are there financial concerns?         

What is the out-of-control teen really stating?

The reason for a teen’s our-of-control behavior may be evident in what he or she states. It is often difficult to talk to a teen, at the time he or she is demonstrating radical out-of-control behavior. Time out may help the teen and parents to simmer down. 

With the use of good listening skills, parents can talk to their out-of-control teen in a reasonable manner and attempt to resolve pertinent, parent-teen issues together. At times, it may be easier for a teen to talk to someone else like older siblings or other family members. It may be necessary to involve a school, college or university coach or guidance counselor.

Is the out-of-control behavior typical behavior for this teen?

Parents do not always identify, recognize or know how to deal with what is happening with their out-of-control teen. They may not understand that this is his or her typical mode or pattern of behavior in terms of dealing with problems, issues and concerns. It may be the same way that he or she has always handled problems. For example, a teen is arguing, fighting, throwing temper tantrums, etc. Parents need to ask themselves if they try to resolve their own problems in the same way. An out-of-control teen may simply be following examples set by parents, siblings, teachers or peers.

Should these parents and their out-of-control teen seek medical advice or intervention?

Seeking medical advice or intervention for, or with, your out-of-control teen, may be indicated when it appears there is no possibility of effective resolution. An out-of-control teen may be trying to cope with hormonal changes or dealing with unexpected peer pressure. There may be medical problems that need to be resolved. 

If there is evidence of alcohol or substance abuse with denial of the same, intervention as soon as possible, is important because the out-of-control teen may be suffering depression or be suicidal. Police intervention may help to resolve serious problems like stealing, destruction of property, etc. 

Most parents know their teenagers well and recognize when their teens are out-of control. Staying calm and letting the teens know that their parents are on their side regardless is important. Parents want what is best for their teens and teens do not want alienation from parents, so parents need to choose their options carefully. Note that teens do have to follow appropriate parental guidelines or risk being thrown out of the bird’s nest.